What’s standing in your way?
Do you ever feel like every day is an uphill battle?
Does it ever seem like there are hurdles at every turn?
Do you ever get the sense that there is something standing in the way of you succeeding, thriving or just having more good days than bad?
Have you ever considered that it might be (gulp!)… you might need to get out of your own way?
Okay, so it may be you, but it’s not your fault.
Chances are, you’re a victim of hustle culture, the expectation that we must rise and grind. Every. Day.
This, in my opinion, is the opposite of The Aloha Spirit (more on that below) and completely neglects grace.
Let’s talk about why this phenomenon sneaks up on moms, how to recognize when it’s happening and what you can do to get out of your own way and regain control of the pace at which you choose to live your life!
Hustle culture is not new to moms
Moms operate under the assumption that this is our life and there isn’t another option. Simply put, this assumption invites the rise and grind approach to motherhood. You know what it looks like…
Wake up at the last possible second after snoozing 5 times because you’re already exhausted from staying up too late last night. After all, that’s when you finally had your “me time”. It included Netflix and wine. You deserved it after the day you had!
You wake up knowing exactly what you have to do today: ALL THE THINGS!!!
There’s not necessarily any rhyme or reason to how you get things done but you’ve been doing this long enough to have something of a rhythm now. By the time you get the kids up, dressed, fed and out the door to school, you sit down with your coffee and check your calendar to see what you have to do today only to be reminded that the field trip money is due today and you didn’t send it.
No worries, you’ll drop it off on your way to the grocery store… (you’re out of milk, which you realized after you poured the cereal.)
We’ve perfected the art, in fact. We even pride ourselves on it.
We give ourselves that “me time” at the end of the day because it’s our opportunity to celebrate the victories of the day. Do you ever revel in what you actually accomplish in a day? It’s awe inspiring – way to go mama!
What if we could get the same results without the exhausting hustle?
Unless you’re a brand new mom, you’ve likely shifted into the phase of feeling like you know what has to get done and so you do it.
Look, you’re not a hot mess but you’ve also recognized by now that perfection is for unicorn moms.
That description of a day in the life of a mom above… that was me. For years! I was killing it and running myself into the ground every single day.
Then, one day – I couldn’t even tell you when – I admitted to myself that my approach was not sustainable. I wish this story started with, “there was a flash of light and a cloud of smoke and when it cleared I was all enlightened”… it didn’t go like that.
Things started slow. I read self-help books and articles and listened to inspirational podcast. Then, I joined online motivational groups and went to conferences. I got the bug!
What did it teach me?
It taught me that in a world of possibilities, the only thing standing in my way was me. And so I started the journey to getting out of my own way. It didn’t happen overnight. That led me to realize that the next most important step was taking control of the pace at which I approach life.
Where do we start?
I love this list from Pat Flynn (father, husband, entrepreneur, author, podcaster, and speaker). It is inspired by an article from this week’s Grace in the Race Smart Reads. However, the commentary is mine; adapted for moms…
1. Just pull the trigger.
Procrastination is real. As moms, we have so much on our plates that we don’t often take the time to prioritize. In the end, we’re staying busy (all day, every day) but we know in the back of our minds that there are things not getting done. We avoid the things that have become daunting. (We have a better option for you.)
2. Do one thing at a time.
While it’s physically impossible to think more than one thought or do more than one thing at any given time, moms manage to do it. We multi-task like a mother! (We have a better approach for you.)
3. Forget failure.
This one is hard for moms. We don’t see failure as an option… we can’t fail to feed our kids three square meals or fail to send in the money for the field trip… But, the reality is that sometimes we do. And, that’s okay. Failure is part of the process. Embrace it and learn from it. (We have a way to help you minimize your failures.)
4. Be consistent.
Don’t confuse this one with staying on the hamster wheel. Consistency can breed peace of mind but only when we’re consistently doing that what yields effective results. (We can help you with this!)
5. Choose your friends wisely.
Last week’s newsletter issue was all about this topic! Be sure to check it out, in case you missed it. The bottom line for moms… we need each other… for support, to commiserate, to get vulnerable, to laugh with until we pee our pants. (We have a community for all of this!)
6. Systematize everything.
You’re rising and grinding to ensure you do all the things. You likely have your head down and don’t even realize that there exist systems to do it all more efficiently.
Well, I mentioned we could help…
The MotherShip system from Grace in the Race takes the things you’re already doing and systematizes them. No more winging it or trusting the rhythm method, so to speak. MotherShip let’s you work smarter, not harder and helps you get intentional about giving yourself grace. You have to experience it to truly appreciate it!
7. Reflect on your influence.
You’re a mom so you’re influencing your kids whether you intend to or not. In one of our Smart Reads articles this week, a mom learns this lesson the hard way when she observes her two-year-old playing with her doll. The child is carrying around the doll in one arm, with a bottle tucked under neck “feeding” the doll. Meanwhile, the two-year-old is racing around “tidying” the living room and “cooking” in her toy kitchen with the other hand. She didn’t make that up, she learned it from mom!
These seven lessons aren’t just for moms. They are life lessons that we can be instilling in our kids (apparently as young as 2-years-old!).
It’s your race. Embrace your pace!
It’s time to get out of your own way and regain control of the pace at which you choose to live your life! Implement a system that invites you to be proactive rather than reactive in managing mom-life.
We’d love for that to be MotherShip, but that’s for you to decide! We’re doing a free trial through the month of May and we’d love to have you join us. You’ll get access to the app, the system, and the short training videos and we’ll lean on you for feedback so that we can make it even better before it officially launches.
At Grace in the Race, we strive to do most of the things, most of the time. We call this approach grace pace. It allows us to have a plan and work that plan but to not stress when we don’t check all the boxes on our to-do list.
What does all of this have to do with The Aloha Spirit?
My family had the pleasure of spending spring break in Hawaii where grace pace is everywhere!
As mentioned in the intro of this week’s newsletter…
In Hawaiian culture there is a saying: Practice Aloha.
To us mainlanders, aloha means hello. Did you also know it means goodbye?
But it’s even more than that. According to Hawaiian law – yes law – each person must live by The Aloha Spirit.
“Aloha Spirit is the coordination of mind and heart within each person. It brings each person to the self. Each person must think and emote good feelings to others.” [From Hawaiian Revised Statute 5-7.5]
The vibe in Hawaii is palpable. Of course, the lush landscape, warm temps, and beautiful views certainly don’t hurt. But, the aloha spirit is contagious and I left there with a desire to maintain it when I got home.
I also made the connection that this is what I want for our Grace in the Race community. Motherhood is a rat-race. Giving ourselves grace is our small slice of aloha. There’s a great article in this week’s Grace in the Race Smart Reads called 5 Ways To Live Life With More Aloha. You can check it out here.
In conclusion, follow your mind and your heart as a path to get out of your own way, embrace your pace, and come into yourself. It will emote good feelings to others but more importantly, you will feel it too and it will keep you moving forward with grace!
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