When the day comes, what will be written on your tombstone?
Hey GIRL (that’s you, our Grace In the Race Ladies):
Regardless of your political views, there is no denying that RBG left her mark on this world. Her passing got me thinking about the notion of impact and legacy.
So, when the day comes, what will be written on your tombstone?
Will it say “Crazy-busy mom who never made time for herself”… or “She could fold a fitted sheet like a badass”… or perhaps, “World record holder for the most number of miles on her minivan”?
Mamas, WE. ARE. MORE. THAN. THAT!
At the 2019 Golden Globes, Glenn Close gave this acceptance speech when she won Best Actress for The Wife. I’ll be honest, I didn’t see the movie or the award show for that matter, but thankfully, I stumbled upon a replay of her speech the following day; probably on social media, I don’t recall. It was a brief, but powerful clip that I still think about nearly two years later. Here’s Glenn (because when you write an editorial you get to decide that you’re on a first-name basis with celebrities):
You know, it was called The Wife. I think that’s why it took 14 years to get made. To play a character who is so internal; I’m thinking of my mom who really sublimated herself to my father her whole life. And in her 80s she said to me, “I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything. “And it was so not right. And I feel like what I’ve learned from this whole experience is, women, we’re nurturers, that’s what’s expected of us. We have our children, we have our husbands if we’re lucky enough, and our partners. But we have to find personal fulfillment. We have to follow our dreams. We have to say, “I can do that, and I should be allowed to do that.”
We are allowed to follow our dreams.
Y’all, my mind exploded that day. I saw my future in an entirely new light. It was as challenging a realization as it was empowering. What would it look like to separate “me” from my role as a wife and mother? Is that even a thing? Can we really do that? Personal fulfillment? It feels awfully selfish. What will my husband think? …oh, right…
But, that day, for the first time in over a decade, I surrendered. I set out on a journey to find myself. I gave myself permission to dream and I’ll admit, it felt a little scandalous. It would take me months to make sense of those dreams and to truly believe Glenn’s words, that I have to follow my dreams – I can do that, and I am allowed to do that.
This – right now – is the time to live out our dreams and be the women we are meant to be. “Mom” is but one hat in our collection. The title is ours, we’ve earned it; no matter what we do beyond the realm of that role, we’ll always be a mom.
You are not a mom or a woman. You can be both!
So ask yourself, what’s become of the woman who got you to this point? You had gifts and talents before you were a mom. In fact, you’re a great mom because you are a great woman. Do you still recognize that woman? Are you letting her shine?… Or at least letting her out on the weekends?
We have so much to offer this world and we must give ourselves permission to be whole. Being a mom is my proudest achievement – it is my WHY – the very thing that propels me forward. And yet, I am so much more and so grateful to have realized it when I did. Furthermore, I believe I’m a better mom because I now exemplify the importance of personal fulfillment to my children. It’s not a choice of one or the other – you can be both!
I remember being madly in love with my first baby and thinking, I’d always envisioned having more than one child, but I couldn’t imagine dividing my love for this little guy to share it with another baby. Well, thankfully, I didn’t dwell on that fear because a magical thing happened. It turns out you don’t have to give two children 50% each, you can give both of them 100% of your love. Don’t try to do the math. There’s definitely exponents or derivatives or factoring or something… Anyway, it’s the same with momming. You get to be all-in on parenting AND have personal fulfillment. You just have to give yourself permission to dream.
So, what are your dreams? How are you making an impact? What legacy will you leave behind? Do you want to be the next Supreme Court Justice?
Uh, well, you may have missed the deadline to submit your resume this round, BUT write that cover letter anyway, Mama! There will be another opportunity and someone will fill the job, why not you?
If Supreme Court Justice-ing isn’t on your bucket list, what is? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? In one year? In 90 days? By the way, do you know what’s happening in 90 days? Christmas! Yeah, that’s’ right, I said it.
It’s going to happen whether we’re ready or not. Time will pass and life will go on. Until it doesn’t.
It’s time to work your long-term goals into your short-term plan and start making an impact TODAY. You are ready. You are enough and you are worthy of your wildest dreams!
In October we’re going to dig into this work in The Grace Experiment. We’ll explore goals and dreams and having a plan to accomplish them… with grace, of course. Will you allow yourself to dream and join us in the experiment?
Thank you for being here today. Enjoy the rest of your weekend and may it kick off an extraordinary week!
Love & Grace,
Rachel (& Amanda)
Co-founders of Grace in the Race, LLC